"we have been trained for goodness." — Elise loehnen
Hi, I'm Siara​
I know what it's like to perform for love.
To believe that if you could just be good enough, helpful enough, perfect enough—you'd finally be safe, cared for, and loved.
I grew up in an environment where love felt conditional. Where being "good" wasn't just encouraged—it was required for survival. I learned early that my worthiness was something I had to earn, to prove, and to maintain through constant performance.
So I became exactly what was expected of me.
I made myself agreeable. I suppressed my needs. And I ran myself ragged trying to become a perfected version of what I thought everyone else needed and wanted me to be.
the Pattern I Couldn't See
For years, I believed the problem was external.
If I could just be a better partner, my relationship would work.
If I could just meet the right standards, I'd finally feel worthy.
If I could just find the right person, they'd prove to me that I mattered.
I kept seeking validation outside myself—in relationships, in performance, in being "good enough"—hoping that one day, someone or something would finally make me feel whole.
But it never worked.
Because the love I was desperately seeking outside myself? It was never going to come from anyone else if I couldn't first give it to myself.
the dark night
My dark night of the soul began with grief. In grief I was no longer able to perform.
The relationships I'd built on a foundation of being who others wanted me to be started to crumble.
And for the first time in my life, I stopped running, and doing, and striving. And I just was.
Grief brought me inward and downward, and forced me to face all of the ways that I had farmed out my safety, my worth, and my sense of belonging. The ways I sought out the love and acceptance I hadn't been willing to give to myself.
I began to realize that the things I had been seeking for so long outside of myself, had to be found within first.
And so, I began to feed the relationship I had neglected my whole life. The one closest to home.
And it has changed everything.
The metamorphosis
Learning to stop performing and start being myself wasn't a one-time decision—it has been an ongoing practice.
I'm still married to the person I fell in love with as a teenager, when I believed love and worth were earned. But I'm no longer operating in performance, trying to earn love and worth. When I built a foundation of unconditional love, attunement, and curiosity inside my own system, my relationship with my husband began to reflect the same. This allowed us to finally meet soul to soul - instead of behind protective facades.
This work—of understanding my unconscious patterns, rewiring my nervous system, and learning to receive instead of only give—has been the most transformative journey of my life.
Not because my external circumstances are perfect. But because I've found love and safety within myself, regardless of what's happening around me.
​I've learned to:
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Step out of performance roles and into authenticity
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Trust in my ability to keep myself safe, loved, and cared for
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Receive love instead of constantly striving to earn it
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Meet myself and others at a soul deep level
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Create a life rich in depth and meaning
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This is what I want for you.​
"Only by discovering and loving the goddess lost within our rejected body can we hear our own authentic voice." — Marion Woodman​
why i do this work
I became a relationship coach because I know intimately what it's like to lose yourself trying to be loved by everyone else.
I know what it's like to:
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Perform for acceptance and approval
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Believe your worth is tied to being "good"
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Seek validation outside yourself
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Repeat painful patterns without understanding why
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Feel exhausted from over-giving and over-functioning
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And I know what's possible on the other side:
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Finding love and safety within yourself
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Creating relationships rooted in authenticity
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Learning to receive instead of only give
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Meeting yourself and your partner soul to soul
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Living from wholeness instead of lack
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I'm a certified Jungian Life Coach trained in Jungian Psychology, Social Neuroscience, and Eastern Wisdom traditions. But my real credential? I've lived this transformation.
I'm not someone who has it all figured out. I'm still learning, still growing, and still confronting my own patterns.
But I can guide you through this journey because I'm walking it myself—and I know how powerful it is to stop performing and finally come home to yourself.
"the privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are." — Carl g. jung
what i believe
I believe women have been trained for goodness—trained to perform, to please, to put others first, and to make themselves small.
We've internalized these rules so deeply that we don't even realize we're following them. We think it's just who we are.
But it's not. It's who we've been conditioned to be.
And beneath that conditioning? There's a woman who knows what she wants. Who trusts herself. Who doesn't need external validation to know her worth. Who can create authentic, soul-deep relationships because she's no longer abandoning herself to be loved.
That woman is you. And she's been waiting for you to come home.
my invitation to you
If you're exhausted from performing, lonely in your relationships, and ready to stop seeking love outside yourself—I'm here.
This work isn't about fixing your relationship (though it will transform). It's not about becoming a better version of who you think you should be (that's more performance).
It's about coming home to who you actually are. And creating a life—and relationships—rooted in that truth.
Let's walk this path together.
It's time to choose authenticity over attachment.
“All the "not readies," all the "I need time," are understandable, but only for a short while. The truth is that there is never a "completely ready," there is never a really "right time."
As with any descent to the unconscious, there comes a time when one simply hopes for the best, pinches one's nose, and jumps into the abyss. If this were not so, we would not have needed to create the words heroine, hero, or courage.” — Clarissa Pinkola Estés