Core Assumptions — What Your Patterns Are Trying To Tell You
- Siara Baldwin
- Jun 1
- 6 min read
In my last post, I shared how our minds create our reality. Today, I wanted to talk about one small way in which this happens.
I’ve recently recognized a pattern in myself. It’s been a long work day, I’m just getting home, and I am hitting the ground running. The dishes need done, dinner needs made, the laundry needs folded. There’s a blog post I need to finish writing, a few chapters of my latest book I need to finish, and I still have to workout. Oh, and I should vacuum the floors too. There goes my to-do list. Rambling on through my mind. And I want to get it all done before Hayden (my husband) gets home. Inevitably, I don’t finish in time. So I apologize. I’m sorry I didn’t get to the dishes, the laundry, the dinner… before you got home. The other day, he gently grabbed my face between his hands, looked at me deeply and said “why are you apologizing? you have absolutely nothing to be sorry for.” And gave me a big kiss. I scrunched up my brows and started to prattle off my list of reasons for why, before I paused and caught myself. Hayden squeezed me gently, smiled, and left me to sit with my string of thoughts. And so I began to pull.
As I began to take note of and really listen to my inner narrative, a theme emerged that I was familiar with. Thoughts of worth, of value. Of what I bring to the table. If I’ve done enough, if I am enough. These thoughts aren’t new to me. For most of my life, they have run through me shaping so many of my behaviors, my patterns, and my interactions with people and the world. But the roots go much deeper than these surface manifestations. For within my unconscious mind there has lived a firmly anchored belief — “I am not enough.”
This belief is something that I would call a core assumption. A core assumption is a deeply held, often unconscious, narrative that you carry about the world and your place in it. We all carry core assumptions. I’ve heard many variations in my work with women. I am here for the needs of others. I am not wanted. I do not belong. But I have also heard — I am worthy. Or I am good. These core assumptions are formed at a very very young age. And they help us to make sense of our early life experience. For me, while this core assumption was ultimately painful, it also soothed me in a strange way as a child. It helped my young mind to make sense of the lack of meaningful impact that I was able to make on the lives of the adults around me. No matter how much I tried, I couldn’t “fix” them. My love, my effort, my continual striving, was “not enough” to meaningfully change the turmoil my parents had to work through on their own. And so, outside of my awareness, my core assumption was formed.
But what happened after its formation? What becomes of these core assumptions? They become the foundation of what we believe is possible for us in the world. We color our existence with them. You can imagine a core assumption to be a sort of tinted glasses. Once put on, they color everything. Your mind begins to spotlight on what it expects to receive. So it looks for more ways to affirm and shore up that early assumption. For me, I continually looked for and saw ways in which I wasn’t up to snuff. I constantly felt lesser than, not enough, and behind. And this deeply influenced who I felt that I had to become. Projected out in front of me, I began to form ideals. If I could just be…. then I could finally feel peaceful, happy, and loved. But no matter how much I achieved, that ideal was always kept at arms distance, because I carried deep within me the core assumption that I was not enough. And that was ultimately overlaid onto everything I did and everything I accomplished.
As I was sitting with and witnessing my thoughts in this recent situation, I couldn’t help but smile to myself. This young belief that still manifests in my life in many ways. You might be wondering why such a thing would cause me to smile, but that is the power of curious and loving self-awareness. In many ways your inner landscape becomes a garden that you carefully inspect and tend to. When you become aware of and take notice of different thoughts or patterns, you get curious. You inspect your garden. And take a look at what is growing there. I am not angry that this core assumption is present within me. It is a beautiful aspect of my innate survival intelligence, and at one point in my life, it really helped me. But now, I can see ways in which it crowds out and smothers the other plants I wish to cultivate and nurture within my garden. So I gently weed out what I do not wish to keep feeding while recognizing that these core assumptions have deep roots, and small sprouts might return in new ways in the future. But that it isn’t a problem, or a defeat. Regular weeding is a part of tending a garden. As a conscious cultivator, you get to choose what you will feed and nourish and create. But how do you become aware of what is growing in your garden?
To make what is unconscious conscious, we must first access our curiosity. We have to learn to look at ourselves without a critical, forceful, or judgmental eye. But what if our inner dialogue is one of critique and judgment? How do we engage with curiosity then?
Within eastern spiritual traditions there is a practice called the witness mind. In this state, we learn to take a step back internally, so that we can watch all of our thoughts, emotions, and beliefs without becoming overly identified with or judgmental of them. But what does that mean? When we are overly identified with our thoughts or emotions, we believe that we are whatever we are experiencing. It becomes our entire reality. We have no room to question, no space to contemplate. We are swept up in the tidal wave of whatever is coursing through us at the time.
Have you ever heard someone say — I am angry. Do you see the identification there with anger? They have become that emotion. There is no separation between who they are and what they are experiencing. Someone who is tapped into the witness mind, might express — I am experiencing feelings of anger right now. Because of the internal space that they have cultivated, they are able to distinguish who they are, from what they are currently experiencing. This mental state allows for two things to take place. Firstly, it anchors them in curiosity and inquiry. And secondly, it acts to delay any automatic knee-jerk reactions. That internal space acts as a pattern disrupter, and as fertile soil for self-awareness to grow.
The next time that you notice a strong emotional reaction within yourself, practice stepping into the witness mind. Ask yourself — what is this reaction telling me about what I believe? What does this pattern reveal about the story I’ve been carrying?
Use your life as a mirror. Get curious about your patterns, your reactions, your assumptions and beliefs about yourself and the world. The first step towards self-awareness is simply to stop and to take notice. To pull at the thread.
Remember to be patient with yourself. You are entering uncharted and unconscious territory where there will be much to discover and learn. But by doing this work, you will be taking steps to free yourself from the unconscious assumptions that are keeping you trapped in patterns that are no longer serving you.
If you’d like support in uncovering the core assumptions shaping your experience in love and in life, I invite you to book a free connection call with me. Together we’ll find the threads worth pulling — and start tending and consciously creating the garden of your inner world.
Comments