To The Woman Who Loses Herself In Love

I work with this woman. I know her by a few names now. Perhaps the easiest way to describe her is how she feels. Attached, and yet lost. Clinging to an idea of who she thought it was essential for her to be. An idea that once served her, but now wrings her soul out, in much the same way that she wrings her hands out as she speaks.

A "good" woman - she identifies as polite, caring, selfless, kind. She is generous, and works hard to please others. She’s doing everything “right”, and yet she’s drained and hollow in the eyes.

What pleases me she seems to ask? Where did I once find joy, happiness, and abandon? Where did I lose myself along the way? And who have I become? When she first heard those questions inside, she refused them room to breathe, until eventually, they left her no room to breathe.

And so here she is, wondering why she feels so dissatisfied when she has played by all of the rules. But she doesn’t yet understand that they were never her rules. But rules rather that were given to her. Rules she played by to survive. They were never designed to give her the happiness she longs for. No, that happiness will only be found when she dares to break down those inherited rules and begins to play by a rulebook entirely of her own making.

You might know this woman. Maybe you are this woman. Hearing an anxious voice inside of you that urges you to say yes, yes of course, and never no I don’t think so. When he needs something, when she asks for your time, when the room needs someone to hold it together — your hand goes up before you've even decided to raise it.

You might initially think that the problem is with your job, your friends, or your partner. You might even believe that you just need to quit, or pursue new relationships.

But in all of your words and stories, I hear something a bit different. I hear you speak of the girl and the woman you believe you should be. Of all the rules that you have built your life around. And I can see how they once served you.

But I now invite you to question each and every one of them. For underneath who you believe that you are, you will find voices that are not your own. The voice of your mother, father, school teachers, pastors and peers.

Who will you be when you hear your voice instead?

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You don't have to keep living by rules that were never yours to begin with, or losing yourself in love. If something is stirring within you — a quiet recognition, a question you haven't been able to shake, a desire to reclaim your aliveness — I invite you to book a free Connection Call with me. Together we will dive beneath the surface of the identity that you carry, so that you can discover an authentic and wildly fulfilling way of showing up in life and in love.

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