You Are More Than The Mask You Wear

Today, I want to talk to you about a Jungian concept called the Persona. I’ve touched on this concept in the past but today I wanted to dive deeper into what it is and why learning about it can help you to start living with more freedom, authenticity, and vibrancy.

So what exactly is the Persona? The persona is a type of psychological clothing or mask that we wear to interface with the outside world. It allows us to cover over the aspects of ourselves that we know about, but don’t always wish for others to see. It also allows us to control to some extent how other people perceive us. This can be incredibly useful! Think of the last time that you were interviewing for a job that you really really wanted. Internally you may have been a riot of nervous energy, but on the outside you posited yourself as calm, confident, and self-assured. Can you see how your persona acts as a barrier between your inner experience and what you wish to present out to the world? I bet that you can think of a few instances in which your psychological mask has served you well. But what happens if over time you forget that you are wearing a mask?

This often happens with people who become overly identified with the roles they play in their life. Roles like the peacekeeper, the provider, the caretaker, the golden child, the lover, or the black sheep. When a person becomes overly identified with the role they are playing it starts to feel critical that they are perceived by others in a certain way. For the peacekeeper, they might need others to think of them as kind, patient, and loving. For the caretaker, it might feel crucial to be perceived as capable, responsible, and generous. Overtime, the mask they have donned starts to fuse with their identity and they learn to base their worth on how well they can perform.

This doesn’t happen overnight. We are born into the arms of a family and culture that molds who we will become. We received praise, love, and acceptance when we portrayed the qualities our parents delighted in. And punishment, silence, or disgust for those they found intolerable. We each chose whether to accept our parent’s view of the world and our place in it or to reject it and rebel against it. Regardless of whether we accepted or rebelled, that early conditioning doesn’t leave us - it forms the foundation of our persona and the beliefs we carry about who and what we are. So who did you become under all that pressure?

I want you to think of how you show up in the world. Describe yourself in a few adjectives. Now - what does being this way get you? Find a reason beneath each quality. It’s important for me to be this way because….

Most of us have moved through life believing we make certain decisions because we just “are who we are,” but in reality, our personality is a by product of extensive conditioning. An exercise like the one I mentioned above might be entirely new to you. But it allows something remarkable to take place. I wanted to show you that at any moment, you have the ability to take a step back from your thoughts and beliefs, and to simply observe them. Not to judge or change them - just to see them. In eastern spiritual traditions this is called the witness mind. It is the part of you that is not your thoughts, your roles, or your conditioning. It is the part of you that can watch all of those things from a place of quiet stillness. And it is within the witness mind that you can begin to see your mask for what it truly is. If you were able to connect to some of the reasons behind your conditioned persona, it is time for you to ask yourself another question. How has being this way been limiting to me?

Maybe you’re the peacekeeper who never allowed herself to be angry. The caretaker who never allowed herself to be cared for. Or the good girl who never allowed herself to be complicated. Each of them capable, dependable, and quietly exhausted. Dimly aware that somewhere inside of them, there’s a woman who has never fully been given permission to exist. That is the cost of the mask. But the real question is - what is waiting for you on the other side of it?

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If something in you is stirring at these words, I invite you to book a free Connection Call with me. Together we will explore what lies beneath your conditioning - so you can find your way back to who you truly are.

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